I saw this poem on a website, and felt it was good because it was from the view of the offender
First, I will wine and dine her
Then I will fill her head with fairytale dreams
All the while, telling her how gorgeous she is.
Just a few more moves
and all will be set.
Now its time
to build her confidence skyscraper high with lies
(Mmm, this is a major key to make them fall
below their foundation)
Not quite finished,
How can one forget these fun tools,
Get her pregnant
and make her totally reliant on my money!
Woooo Hooo, the fun begins
First a few curse words,
kneaded with some demeaning gestures,
Next, tighten her wallet a little more,
Then start blaming her for everything.
Now, slow down the intimacy.
She's almost ready for her first slap.
I need to yell louder,
and tear apart her core viciously,
Its time to push her over, she's all primed!
Smack, crackle and punch!
What a cool way to start off my day!
Now its time to say I am sorry
over and over and hold her tight while
I beg for forgiveness!
Hey, I can't have my friends and family know,
She needs to lie for me!
After all, its all her fault!
Once she does this, I win!
Here's my favorite part!
Its easy to beat on someone that loves you unconditionally,
because they have nothing left and no place to stay
and the fatherly bonus is,
my little son Tommy will know how to keep his woman in her place
Now you know why I always wear a shit eating grin!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Motherly Lessons Parts 1 & 2
My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE... "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION... "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL... "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Motherly Lessons, Part II My mother taught me LOGIC... "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT... "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.
My mother taught me IRONY... "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS... "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM... "Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA... "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER... "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY... "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE... "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION... "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY... "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE... "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION... "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL... "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Motherly Lessons, Part II My mother taught me LOGIC... "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT... "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.
My mother taught me IRONY... "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS... "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM... "Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA... "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER... "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY... "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE... "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION... "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY... "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Hudson
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19:Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away?. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.
6. August 14:Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10:While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6:In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here. One of the clerks passed out.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Hudson
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19:Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away?. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.
6. August 14:Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10:While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6:In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here. One of the clerks passed out.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
This is why we need health care reform
ladyvampire
WASHINGTON (Sept. 30) – An early autumn chill was in the air as Regina Holliday's long summer of mourning came to an end this week. Just a few more brushstrokes on a gas station wall and her mural symbolizing the problems of the U.S. health care system would be complete."It's very cathartic to do this, to paint, to let out the stress and anxiety and everything that's happened," said Holliday, who has been sharing her family's medical nightmare in acrylic paint since a few days after her husband, Fred, died of cancer.That was June 17, the day the U.S. Senate began its debate on health care reform.On the last day of September, not 24 hours after the Senate Finance Committee rejected a public insurance program as part of its health reform bill, Holliday was about done. Painting, that is."Any struggle for good is not done overnight," said Holliday, 37, a widowed mother of two who pays 2 ½ times her monthly income as a preschool art teacher for health insurance.Still, she calls the influential tax-writing panel's action "very frustrating." Holliday knows about frustration. She watched elected officials "buckling" in the face of angry constituents who jammed town hall meetings in August to rail against "death panels" and "Obamacare.""It's so easy for them to say, 'No! We're against!'" said Holliday, who joined a counterprotest when "tea party" opponents marched here Sept. 12. "Those of us who are for it have to give these long, in-depth discussions of health care and all the myriad aspects and when you start doing that, it's easy to lose attention. It doesn't create sound bites."Holliday's 20-by-50-foot mural on the back wall of a BP station and across from a CVS drug store isn't easily summed up, either. The brooding piece is full of allusions from art history, from Jacques-Louis David's 18th-century masterpiece 'The Death of Marat' to Russian icons to Pablo Picasso's 'Guernica.' There is a giant film roll with frames depicting a tiny likeness of Fred, who was a film studies professor. "The end of a reel of a very short life," she said.There also are classic references. In a twist on the old "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" proverb, Holliday changed the monkeys to figures representing the pharmaceutical industry, insurance companies and small businesses. Often she'll interpret the symbols for curious passers-by. Holliday explains it all on her Medical Advocacy blog, a mix of academic papers, video links, poems and stream-of-consciousness entries documenting her own personal health care crisis.The crisis came to a head earlier this year when Fred Holliday, who had held a series of temporary teaching jobs without benefits, got a full-time position at American University that included health insurance. Finally, he could afford to see a doctor about the blood in his urine and the fatigue that wouldn't let up. But it was too late. The 39-year-old was diagnosed with inoperable kidney cancer. If there was any good news, it was that the family had health insurance to cover Fred's treatment. The bad news, his wife learned, is that even those with coverage must negotiate reams of red tape at a time in their lives when they are most distraught and vulnerable.Holliday says she pleaded with doctors to tell her how long Fred had to live, so that the couple could decide when it made sense to stop painful treatments and allow the patient to spend what little time he had left with his family. "They said, 'This isn’t television. We don't do that.'""We were being left in the dark," said Holliday. But late nights searching the Internet brought the awful answer: two to three months. In her blog, on Facebook and on Twitter, Holliday recounts the 46 gurney trips Fred made as he was moved from hospital to hospital, hospice to home. During one transfer, a rough move by an orderly broke Fred's hip. Another time he was dropped.Even with health insurance, "they want you out" after two or three weeks in a hospital, she said. "The day you get there they ask, 'What is your discharge plan?' Well, it's like, my husband's really sick."Fred was sent home for the last time on June 11. The family had moved into a more expensive, two-bedroom apartment because their one-bedroom was too small for his hospital-sized bed and their sons Freddie, an 11-year-old with autism, and Isaac, 3.In less than a week, Fred was gone. Six days later, after the funeral and a memorial service, Holliday began her mural, first painting a black background on what had been whitewashed brick.She calls it "73 Cents." That's what it costs for a copy of each page in her husband's medical record. His file, which eventually filled a foot-thick notebook, was beyond her means.People began to notice the mural in July. It particularly drew the attention of the city's power brokers and media elite, who regularly gather for readings a few steps away at the Politics & Prose bookstore. "It's very powerful," said Ted Eytan, a family doctor and local advocate for opening medical records to patients. "For the first time, people have a place to go and have this conversation. I'm calling it a national monument."Eytan met Holliday through Twitter and has written about her on his blog. He distributed photos of the mural on the Internet, attracting the attention of the prestigious British Medical Journal, which put it on the front cover of its print edition. Holliday's handiwork also caught the eye of the BBC, Al-Jazeera and German television, as well as CNN and local TV stations. Newspaper reporters from the Netherlands, which has universal health care, weighed in. So did many bloggers. Voice of America called Holliday "a media darling."Democrats embraced her project. First lady Michelle Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid invited Holliday to news conferences. Suddenly the college dropout found herself at academic meetings on health care reform.Friends also spread the word on Flickr and Facebook. Nancy Shearer, 39, who goes to the same nearby church as Holliday, posted photos on Facebook of the work-in-progress all summer. She said Holliday hasn't omitted a single detail of her ordeal, right down to painting the hornet that buzzed around Fred's hospital room because no staff would answer her pleas to swat it. "You look at it and see the little things that can get done" to comfort patients, Shearer said. "She just wants people to stop and think."Many did. Most responded positively, often pressing a $5 or $10 bill into her hand to help pay for paint. "So many people come up to me to share their stories of what happened to them and their spouse and their parent and their child. And they're oftentimes horror stories," Holliday said. "There's this feeling that you're not alone, that there are other people who have been through the exact same thing that you've been through."But others, a minority in this upscale neighborhood in Northwest Washington, are less sympathetic.
WASHINGTON (Sept. 30) – An early autumn chill was in the air as Regina Holliday's long summer of mourning came to an end this week. Just a few more brushstrokes on a gas station wall and her mural symbolizing the problems of the U.S. health care system would be complete."It's very cathartic to do this, to paint, to let out the stress and anxiety and everything that's happened," said Holliday, who has been sharing her family's medical nightmare in acrylic paint since a few days after her husband, Fred, died of cancer.That was June 17, the day the U.S. Senate began its debate on health care reform.On the last day of September, not 24 hours after the Senate Finance Committee rejected a public insurance program as part of its health reform bill, Holliday was about done. Painting, that is."Any struggle for good is not done overnight," said Holliday, 37, a widowed mother of two who pays 2 ½ times her monthly income as a preschool art teacher for health insurance.Still, she calls the influential tax-writing panel's action "very frustrating." Holliday knows about frustration. She watched elected officials "buckling" in the face of angry constituents who jammed town hall meetings in August to rail against "death panels" and "Obamacare.""It's so easy for them to say, 'No! We're against!'" said Holliday, who joined a counterprotest when "tea party" opponents marched here Sept. 12. "Those of us who are for it have to give these long, in-depth discussions of health care and all the myriad aspects and when you start doing that, it's easy to lose attention. It doesn't create sound bites."Holliday's 20-by-50-foot mural on the back wall of a BP station and across from a CVS drug store isn't easily summed up, either. The brooding piece is full of allusions from art history, from Jacques-Louis David's 18th-century masterpiece 'The Death of Marat' to Russian icons to Pablo Picasso's 'Guernica.' There is a giant film roll with frames depicting a tiny likeness of Fred, who was a film studies professor. "The end of a reel of a very short life," she said.There also are classic references. In a twist on the old "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" proverb, Holliday changed the monkeys to figures representing the pharmaceutical industry, insurance companies and small businesses. Often she'll interpret the symbols for curious passers-by. Holliday explains it all on her Medical Advocacy blog, a mix of academic papers, video links, poems and stream-of-consciousness entries documenting her own personal health care crisis.The crisis came to a head earlier this year when Fred Holliday, who had held a series of temporary teaching jobs without benefits, got a full-time position at American University that included health insurance. Finally, he could afford to see a doctor about the blood in his urine and the fatigue that wouldn't let up. But it was too late. The 39-year-old was diagnosed with inoperable kidney cancer. If there was any good news, it was that the family had health insurance to cover Fred's treatment. The bad news, his wife learned, is that even those with coverage must negotiate reams of red tape at a time in their lives when they are most distraught and vulnerable.Holliday says she pleaded with doctors to tell her how long Fred had to live, so that the couple could decide when it made sense to stop painful treatments and allow the patient to spend what little time he had left with his family. "They said, 'This isn’t television. We don't do that.'""We were being left in the dark," said Holliday. But late nights searching the Internet brought the awful answer: two to three months. In her blog, on Facebook and on Twitter, Holliday recounts the 46 gurney trips Fred made as he was moved from hospital to hospital, hospice to home. During one transfer, a rough move by an orderly broke Fred's hip. Another time he was dropped.Even with health insurance, "they want you out" after two or three weeks in a hospital, she said. "The day you get there they ask, 'What is your discharge plan?' Well, it's like, my husband's really sick."Fred was sent home for the last time on June 11. The family had moved into a more expensive, two-bedroom apartment because their one-bedroom was too small for his hospital-sized bed and their sons Freddie, an 11-year-old with autism, and Isaac, 3.In less than a week, Fred was gone. Six days later, after the funeral and a memorial service, Holliday began her mural, first painting a black background on what had been whitewashed brick.She calls it "73 Cents." That's what it costs for a copy of each page in her husband's medical record. His file, which eventually filled a foot-thick notebook, was beyond her means.People began to notice the mural in July. It particularly drew the attention of the city's power brokers and media elite, who regularly gather for readings a few steps away at the Politics & Prose bookstore. "It's very powerful," said Ted Eytan, a family doctor and local advocate for opening medical records to patients. "For the first time, people have a place to go and have this conversation. I'm calling it a national monument."Eytan met Holliday through Twitter and has written about her on his blog. He distributed photos of the mural on the Internet, attracting the attention of the prestigious British Medical Journal, which put it on the front cover of its print edition. Holliday's handiwork also caught the eye of the BBC, Al-Jazeera and German television, as well as CNN and local TV stations. Newspaper reporters from the Netherlands, which has universal health care, weighed in. So did many bloggers. Voice of America called Holliday "a media darling."Democrats embraced her project. First lady Michelle Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid invited Holliday to news conferences. Suddenly the college dropout found herself at academic meetings on health care reform.Friends also spread the word on Flickr and Facebook. Nancy Shearer, 39, who goes to the same nearby church as Holliday, posted photos on Facebook of the work-in-progress all summer. She said Holliday hasn't omitted a single detail of her ordeal, right down to painting the hornet that buzzed around Fred's hospital room because no staff would answer her pleas to swat it. "You look at it and see the little things that can get done" to comfort patients, Shearer said. "She just wants people to stop and think."Many did. Most responded positively, often pressing a $5 or $10 bill into her hand to help pay for paint. "So many people come up to me to share their stories of what happened to them and their spouse and their parent and their child. And they're oftentimes horror stories," Holliday said. "There's this feeling that you're not alone, that there are other people who have been through the exact same thing that you've been through."But others, a minority in this upscale neighborhood in Northwest Washington, are less sympathetic.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
THIS MORNING'S NEWS
And todays news:
President Bush decided to resign, Said one White house official:Mr Bush was confronted by all the parents of the kids that have gone to Iraq and have died or lost limbs, and by all the people that lost jobs because of the hike in gas prices. Frightened by the thought of his own demise, Mr. Bush decided to disguise himself as a homeless woman, (He stole the clothes right off of an 80 year old lady) and snuck out of the white house.One of the old lady's friends yanked the clothes off of President Bush, in the middle of the Mall in Washington. The laughter was heard for miles on in when everyone saw that Mr. Bush was actually missing a certain appendage.
In Other news:Osama Bin Ladden was caught with his pants down - litereally Ladden was drunk and was running around his camp naked saying I have something for you!!! And tried to have sex with all the men in his unit. Till one finally got angry and beheaded Ladden. However, it was not the head from his shoulders that was beheaded.
In Texas crowds surrond the Elder Bush's home to have a bonfire. The Bush home will be set fire today at dusk.
Because of Todays unusual events, the gas prices will be lowered to .05 per gallon. And all troops will be coming home.
President Bush decided to resign, Said one White house official:Mr Bush was confronted by all the parents of the kids that have gone to Iraq and have died or lost limbs, and by all the people that lost jobs because of the hike in gas prices. Frightened by the thought of his own demise, Mr. Bush decided to disguise himself as a homeless woman, (He stole the clothes right off of an 80 year old lady) and snuck out of the white house.One of the old lady's friends yanked the clothes off of President Bush, in the middle of the Mall in Washington. The laughter was heard for miles on in when everyone saw that Mr. Bush was actually missing a certain appendage.
In Other news:Osama Bin Ladden was caught with his pants down - litereally Ladden was drunk and was running around his camp naked saying I have something for you!!! And tried to have sex with all the men in his unit. Till one finally got angry and beheaded Ladden. However, it was not the head from his shoulders that was beheaded.
In Texas crowds surrond the Elder Bush's home to have a bonfire. The Bush home will be set fire today at dusk.
Because of Todays unusual events, the gas prices will be lowered to .05 per gallon. And all troops will be coming home.
PRESIDENT BUSH'S REPORT CARD
Bush's Report Card
posted 4/5/2007 5:52:42 AM
2 kudos
what's this?
report abuse kudos left: 5tagged: joke
ladyvampire
R= Revolting Character
E=Eviscerated Views
J=Did you mom Screw the Joker or what?
E=Cheated at both Elections
C=Circus Needs another Clown
T=Throw him to the lions
F=Get the f*** out of office NOW
R=Rude to Americans in General
O=You should be ousted from this country
M=Your mother should be tared and feathered for giving birth to you!
R=Roll on over to Arizona and Jump off the highest cliff at the Grand Canyon
O=Open your mouth and we know its a lie
M=Make haste! Lower the gas prices
P=Pour the gas that you raised the prices on all over your body and light a match
E=Stand on major free way w/emergency sign reading RUN OVER ME PLEASE!
R=You Ruined our Country, so get ready for the economic crash thanks to you
R=Remember what you did to the US, Karma will get you in the end
O=Over my dead body would I let another Bush get into office
O=Go to the Military hospitals and observe all the kids there whose lives are ruined because of you!
M=make sure you lose every dime you have.. because trust me, you will soon with all the lawsuits that are going to be against you after you get out of office
posted 4/5/2007 5:52:42 AM
2 kudos
what's this?
report abuse kudos left: 5tagged: joke
ladyvampire
R= Revolting Character
E=Eviscerated Views
J=Did you mom Screw the Joker or what?
E=Cheated at both Elections
C=Circus Needs another Clown
T=Throw him to the lions
F=Get the f*** out of office NOW
R=Rude to Americans in General
O=You should be ousted from this country
M=Your mother should be tared and feathered for giving birth to you!
R=Roll on over to Arizona and Jump off the highest cliff at the Grand Canyon
O=Open your mouth and we know its a lie
M=Make haste! Lower the gas prices
P=Pour the gas that you raised the prices on all over your body and light a match
E=Stand on major free way w/emergency sign reading RUN OVER ME PLEASE!
R=You Ruined our Country, so get ready for the economic crash thanks to you
R=Remember what you did to the US, Karma will get you in the end
O=Over my dead body would I let another Bush get into office
O=Go to the Military hospitals and observe all the kids there whose lives are ruined because of you!
M=make sure you lose every dime you have.. because trust me, you will soon with all the lawsuits that are going to be against you after you get out of office
Saw this on a Greeting Card Site
. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you...(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!(Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you...(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!(Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
Letting Go
The day you were born, I had such a glow, counting all those fingers and toes, I did not want to let you go.
The first time I looked into those eyes so beautiful and bright, I did not want to let you go that night.
The first time you smiled, oh what a glee, how happy I am and will always be!
I knew that smile, was meant just for me.
That first tooth broke through and I still have the scar, you bit my finger so hard, I laid you down to take care of it, but did not want to let you go.
And those first steps, so wobbley and unsure, you came right to me, and I hugged you close,
I did not want to let you go.
A few years later and your first day of school, and I watched
you go anxiously on that bus to go learn the golden rule, and as you sat in your seat and waived goodbye to me, I felt the tears go down my cheek, I did not want to let you go.
More years go by and puppy love strikes, you bring home that boy who for your sake I pretended to like. I let you go on that date that night, with a fair warning, Don't Be Late!!!!! And away you go, leaving me with such a fright, I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOW WANT TO LET YOU GO THAT NIGHT!
Then came the Prom you looked so beautiful with you hair that way an wearing that gown, you looked so grown up! The tears really flowed that night! And I really didn't want to let you go but I did.
Now its Graduation, and when they called your name, I stood up and cheered like I was insane! God I am so proud of you and I really don't want to let go, yet let go I do. So spread those oh so beautiful wings, and fly the flight of life, But if sorrow ever comes you know you can come home to these arms that will hold you tight, and know forever my heart will not let you go!
The first time I looked into those eyes so beautiful and bright, I did not want to let you go that night.
The first time you smiled, oh what a glee, how happy I am and will always be!
I knew that smile, was meant just for me.
That first tooth broke through and I still have the scar, you bit my finger so hard, I laid you down to take care of it, but did not want to let you go.
And those first steps, so wobbley and unsure, you came right to me, and I hugged you close,
I did not want to let you go.
A few years later and your first day of school, and I watched
you go anxiously on that bus to go learn the golden rule, and as you sat in your seat and waived goodbye to me, I felt the tears go down my cheek, I did not want to let you go.
More years go by and puppy love strikes, you bring home that boy who for your sake I pretended to like. I let you go on that date that night, with a fair warning, Don't Be Late!!!!! And away you go, leaving me with such a fright, I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOW WANT TO LET YOU GO THAT NIGHT!
Then came the Prom you looked so beautiful with you hair that way an wearing that gown, you looked so grown up! The tears really flowed that night! And I really didn't want to let you go but I did.
Now its Graduation, and when they called your name, I stood up and cheered like I was insane! God I am so proud of you and I really don't want to let go, yet let go I do. So spread those oh so beautiful wings, and fly the flight of life, But if sorrow ever comes you know you can come home to these arms that will hold you tight, and know forever my heart will not let you go!
Ode to Mom
She was my best friend, my confidant,
she was my angel, she was Mom.
She kissed my boo boos away, and caught
me when I was two, running naked down the street
with nothing on but a pair of gloves!
She made sure I did all my homework, and worried
when I was sick.and when I was bad, out came the stick!!!
She worked hard at making sure I had the best, and made
darned surethat in school I did my best! She set an example,
of love and caring, and showed me how to take care of hard situations,
with out causing another "situation" She was the one that kept us out
of trouble with dad Her driving was the joke of the family
(trust me, when a cop pulls your mom over and tells you to drive for the
good of the community, even though you don't have your license on you,
you never let anyonelive that down!) She taught me that forgivness
wasn't for the one who did you wrong, but for you, so you don't carry
it around on your shoulders. As much as we loved her, we loved when
she did letdad take over the cooking, (She did burn water!) She was a
very serious person, so when she did something totally off the wall, you
remembered it. She was very much into god, and our country, She said
both were in our blood. She lovedhelping others, and did so very often.
She worked hard on her job, to make sure my siblings and I didn't have
to break our backs on ours. She also made dad happy, which definately made us
happy!!!! She was the one that made sure we heard her when we woke
up with a hangover the law said we shouldn't have!!!!!
She was our angel, our compassion, our love, and most important,
she was mom. She has gone to heaven, to watch over us now, b
et she has those golden wings, 'cause with mefor a daughter,
SHE SURE EARNED THEM.
she was my angel, she was Mom.
She kissed my boo boos away, and caught
me when I was two, running naked down the street
with nothing on but a pair of gloves!
She made sure I did all my homework, and worried
when I was sick.and when I was bad, out came the stick!!!
She worked hard at making sure I had the best, and made
darned surethat in school I did my best! She set an example,
of love and caring, and showed me how to take care of hard situations,
with out causing another "situation" She was the one that kept us out
of trouble with dad Her driving was the joke of the family
(trust me, when a cop pulls your mom over and tells you to drive for the
good of the community, even though you don't have your license on you,
you never let anyonelive that down!) She taught me that forgivness
wasn't for the one who did you wrong, but for you, so you don't carry
it around on your shoulders. As much as we loved her, we loved when
she did letdad take over the cooking, (She did burn water!) She was a
very serious person, so when she did something totally off the wall, you
remembered it. She was very much into god, and our country, She said
both were in our blood. She lovedhelping others, and did so very often.
She worked hard on her job, to make sure my siblings and I didn't have
to break our backs on ours. She also made dad happy, which definately made us
happy!!!! She was the one that made sure we heard her when we woke
up with a hangover the law said we shouldn't have!!!!!
She was our angel, our compassion, our love, and most important,
she was mom. She has gone to heaven, to watch over us now, b
et she has those golden wings, 'cause with mefor a daughter,
SHE SURE EARNED THEM.
KRAZY KAT
When I was about twelve years old a friend of mine had a siamese kitten, and she couldn't keep it, so, not sure what dad would say, but figured I would take him anyway, I hid him in my room.
I grabbed tuna fish, and some hamburger and fed it to him.
I didnt know that cats required a litter box at that time.
Nor did I realize that cats like to climb and claw things, ie, bed spreads, furniture, clothes, etc .
I was eating dinner and the cat started to meow. So, my dad looked up, and I lipsinced... cat meowed several more times, and I kept doing the lip sinc thing, he finally ask me why was I meowing, and when I tried to tell him I was practicing to play a joke on my friend, the cat meowed again. He says OK, WHERE IS IT? and right after that, NO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!
Well, I knew my dad loved animals, so I brought him out of my room and showed him the cat. Dad took one look at him, and the cat snuggled up to him, licked his face, and that was it, Krazy Kat had a new home. And trust me, that cat came by his name honestly!!!
I grabbed tuna fish, and some hamburger and fed it to him.
I didnt know that cats required a litter box at that time.
Nor did I realize that cats like to climb and claw things, ie, bed spreads, furniture, clothes, etc .
I was eating dinner and the cat started to meow. So, my dad looked up, and I lipsinced... cat meowed several more times, and I kept doing the lip sinc thing, he finally ask me why was I meowing, and when I tried to tell him I was practicing to play a joke on my friend, the cat meowed again. He says OK, WHERE IS IT? and right after that, NO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!
Well, I knew my dad loved animals, so I brought him out of my room and showed him the cat. Dad took one look at him, and the cat snuggled up to him, licked his face, and that was it, Krazy Kat had a new home. And trust me, that cat came by his name honestly!!!
TO ALL OF OUR FALLEN HEROS
For the Military:You went over there to fight for our freedom, To save us from tyranny and made sure our freedom stays intact.
For the Police:You fight the fight everysingle day, making sure the streets are safe, so our children can laugh and play,
To our Fire Fighters:You go through burning buildings the heat scorching you and others, to safe a life, and see the smile of one who thought their loved one was lost forever.
To all of our fallen heros, here and abroad, I give you a standing ovation, Its to you I applaud. You are in our memories, and thoughts abound, because you are our guardian angels, and we know your spirit is around!
For the Police:You fight the fight everysingle day, making sure the streets are safe, so our children can laugh and play,
To our Fire Fighters:You go through burning buildings the heat scorching you and others, to safe a life, and see the smile of one who thought their loved one was lost forever.
To all of our fallen heros, here and abroad, I give you a standing ovation, Its to you I applaud. You are in our memories, and thoughts abound, because you are our guardian angels, and we know your spirit is around!
25 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BY MIDDLE AGE
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.
THANKSGIVING!
We start preparing for this feast several days in advance, and are so looking forward to the following:
The grandfather who farts, and feels that is music to everyones ears and smells like roses. Watching husband carve the turkey, giving himself the big Drumstick... DREAM ON!
The over-eating, The sister who whines, so you offer her some cheese to go with it.
The childrens laughter, just before one of them has to start hitting, causing another to scream. (Or maybe just some teasing,) which brings out about the same response. Which gives you the "Holiday Headache
The inevitable argument that takes place every year, the drinking, the overeating and so on. The loud snores from grandpa when he sits in the chair in front of the t.v. after eating, making it impossible to watch tv and hear it.
Then comes dessert. Yummy. And after everyone leaves, you look forward to doing this along with the gift-giving for Christmas! AHHHHHHH Holidays!
The grandfather who farts, and feels that is music to everyones ears and smells like roses. Watching husband carve the turkey, giving himself the big Drumstick... DREAM ON!
The over-eating, The sister who whines, so you offer her some cheese to go with it.
The childrens laughter, just before one of them has to start hitting, causing another to scream. (Or maybe just some teasing,) which brings out about the same response. Which gives you the "Holiday Headache
The inevitable argument that takes place every year, the drinking, the overeating and so on. The loud snores from grandpa when he sits in the chair in front of the t.v. after eating, making it impossible to watch tv and hear it.
Then comes dessert. Yummy. And after everyone leaves, you look forward to doing this along with the gift-giving for Christmas! AHHHHHHH Holidays!
TAKE A LOOK
Take a look at me, don't be shy, I can promise I won't hurt your eyes.
Take a look at the little girl deep inside,
the one who cries because the only love that has been given her from men,
was nothing but lies.
Take a look at the heart that has been broken many times,
by loved ones of all kinds.
Take a look at the love that waits there for the right person,
the embrace of passion and loves intimacy,
Take a look at the eyes, so blue yet full of tears, f
rom the hurt that has been all she has known for years.
Take a good long look, because soon, I may not be here.
Take a look at me, and see, the hurt from being accused
wrongly of so many things.
Take a look and find, its not possessions I want, just peice of mind,
in knowing that someone loves me, for me, and
not for sex or anything I can do for him.
Take a look at a heart that is so scarred from searching all the
wrong places for a love that doesn't exist for me.
Take a long deep look, and see, that I am so alone, and aching,
so wanting to be with you, in your arms, hearing you say
I love you, and knowing you mean it.
Take a look at the little girl deep inside,
the one who cries because the only love that has been given her from men,
was nothing but lies.
Take a look at the heart that has been broken many times,
by loved ones of all kinds.
Take a look at the love that waits there for the right person,
the embrace of passion and loves intimacy,
Take a look at the eyes, so blue yet full of tears, f
rom the hurt that has been all she has known for years.
Take a good long look, because soon, I may not be here.
Take a look at me, and see, the hurt from being accused
wrongly of so many things.
Take a look and find, its not possessions I want, just peice of mind,
in knowing that someone loves me, for me, and
not for sex or anything I can do for him.
Take a look at a heart that is so scarred from searching all the
wrong places for a love that doesn't exist for me.
Take a long deep look, and see, that I am so alone, and aching,
so wanting to be with you, in your arms, hearing you say
I love you, and knowing you mean it.
A RECENTLY SINGLE WOMANS HAPPINESS
Not falling on the floor because he takes up all of the bed.
Not listening to snores that sound like a frieght train heading directly to you.
Not having to deal with dirty socks and underwear laying all over the place.
Control of the remotes!
Going shopping without hearing about it later.
Being able to go out with the girls, and actually enjoying yourself.
Not dealing with temper tantrums from an adult because you said no.
The ability to come home from work and actually rest before making dinner.
Taking a long relaxing soak in the tub without interruption!
Taking time for yourself, instead of putting him first.
Being able to pamper yourself, without hearing a bunch of crap about the cost
Not having to worry about the toilet seat being in the wrong position!
Not listening to snores that sound like a frieght train heading directly to you.
Not having to deal with dirty socks and underwear laying all over the place.
Control of the remotes!
Going shopping without hearing about it later.
Being able to go out with the girls, and actually enjoying yourself.
Not dealing with temper tantrums from an adult because you said no.
The ability to come home from work and actually rest before making dinner.
Taking a long relaxing soak in the tub without interruption!
Taking time for yourself, instead of putting him first.
Being able to pamper yourself, without hearing a bunch of crap about the cost
Not having to worry about the toilet seat being in the wrong position!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Predjudice
I fear to go where angels tread, for then I may meet with the dead.
The silent whispers on the nigh, I start to shake and then I cry.
So harden are we that we barely saw, on the rooftops when the bombs did fall.
Taking innocent lives, one by one, and we knew not a one.
Dare we judge on ones dear race, or the slant of the eyes on their face.
For if we do, needless to say, we will then be judged anew.
Heroshima, the Holocost, and Iraq too..
are mistakes that we all have dealt with, me and you too.
Pearl Harbor, though in the past, you can still see the ships, even some masts..
Prejudice reigns, near and far, yet when we think about it, it leaves an awful scar,
on the face of humanity, and our children too..
How could Gods creation, turn into such a zoo?
Fear of the night, for someone might, step on that doorstep,
and then you run, as he points at you with a gun.
Shadows fall across the night, and you run in fear, with the night..
on the one chance you will see that fear is there in you and me.
You think it’s the black man, and maybe Italian too, but what if they felt the same about you? Fear and Lothing should be past but not as long as someone’s ass is in an uproar about some thing some tiny inevitable thing that keeps that freedom bell from starting to ring.
The silent whispers on the nigh, I start to shake and then I cry.
So harden are we that we barely saw, on the rooftops when the bombs did fall.
Taking innocent lives, one by one, and we knew not a one.
Dare we judge on ones dear race, or the slant of the eyes on their face.
For if we do, needless to say, we will then be judged anew.
Heroshima, the Holocost, and Iraq too..
are mistakes that we all have dealt with, me and you too.
Pearl Harbor, though in the past, you can still see the ships, even some masts..
Prejudice reigns, near and far, yet when we think about it, it leaves an awful scar,
on the face of humanity, and our children too..
How could Gods creation, turn into such a zoo?
Fear of the night, for someone might, step on that doorstep,
and then you run, as he points at you with a gun.
Shadows fall across the night, and you run in fear, with the night..
on the one chance you will see that fear is there in you and me.
You think it’s the black man, and maybe Italian too, but what if they felt the same about you? Fear and Lothing should be past but not as long as someone’s ass is in an uproar about some thing some tiny inevitable thing that keeps that freedom bell from starting to ring.
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